Enemy Perspective:
A-Rod's Burning (Us)
This article appeared
in the May 2, 2007 issue of Barstool Sports.
Web site:
Barstoolsports.com
By now, you've probably read twenty different articles on
how and why A-Rod is having the best April of all time.
Unlike all those beat writers and columnists, I have a
different theory. They'll tell you he's fixed his swing. They'll tell you he's
living in a carefree land of lollipops and sugarplums in his mind--that he's
finally at ease with himself. They'll tell you he's in
a contract year, and imply that A-Rod's simply all about money.
How about I tell you what
Alex is telling New York:
Fuck. You.
That's what it is. A-Rod is delivering a cataclysmic "Bite
Me" to New York.
He's hopping on Zed's Chopper and screwing Yankees fans like no fan base has
ever been screwed. Alex is having his way with us. (Not to mention me
personally for passing on him in the 5
th spot of my fantasy draft in
favor of Carl Crawford.)
This is a fuck job on an historic level, on par with some of
the greats: Vince tanking in Toronto;
the Colts pulling out of Balitmore; Locke blowing up
the sub on Jack on
Lost.
The only thing that makes this one stand
out?
He's not doing it on purpose. In fact, he may not even
realize he's doing it. He thinks he's
helping
the Yankee fan base.
See, for a guy who is as big and strong as Alex is, he's
also a mental midget. He's easily manipulated by people around him, be they his
agent or the press. He's pretty much incapable of making decisions for himself
at this point--his head is as crowded as a bar near the Big Dig at lunch time.
As you probably know, A-Rod has an opt-out clause in his
contract after this year. He can pass up the remaining $81 million over three
years (note: wow) and put himself on the market. It's widely believed that he will
easily get more--and that was before he began what is going to be, when all is
said and done, the best season by a baseball player
ever.
(Unlike everyone else, I don't think he'll cool off. More on
that in a moment, but let me wrap up this whole "Deer
Hunter" theory.)
I can't tell you why he's relaxed. Unlike those pundits, I
won't speculate. But it's clear he is, and it's also clear his swing is
different. If you want more on those, read a respectable, antiquated publication
like Sports Illustrated.
What Alex doesn't realize is that he's screwing the New York fan base with
every record-setting home run, every league-leading RBI, every walk-off. Why?
Because he's going to have the best year ever, and then he's
going to shove that in the Yankees' face and walk out the door. He won't do it
himself, and he won't do it intentionally: his agent, the highly-respected
(cough) Scott Boras, will do it for him. A-Rod doesn't have a say in this,
because A-Rod--at least mentally--is a little bitch. We've seen it in NY for the
past few years, and really, I see no reason to believe that's still not the
case.
A-Rod says he wants to stay in New York, and I believe him. Boras will talk him into
either testing the free agent market--or doing something that would bury any
good will this season will earn him: holding the Yankees hostage for a new,
more expensive, extended contract. (Because $200 million can
only buy you so many subscriptions to
Esquire.)
I don't hold it against A-Rod the same way you can't hold it
against a monkey when he hurls his shit at you through the bars at the zoo. The
poor thing just doesn't know any better. (The "Don Imus
Disclaimer" on that joke: It was about stupidity, not about A-Rod being a
person with a darker skin tone than me.)
So A-Rod will have the greatest season ever. I don't think
the Yankees will renegotiate, so he'll get another $200 mil contract from
Chicago or Anaheim and proceed to shatter the record books while dropping turds on the Yankees every season--and heartbreakingly, in
the playoffs. And Yankee fans will just remember how he went 1-14 in last
year's playoffs, and how he burned us the next season by channeling Lou Gherig and The Babe and then jumping ship. Just like an
ex-girlfriend, we'll think: were we to hard on him? Did we drive him away?
Yeah, we probably did, even if we didn't mean it and maybe, just maybe, he
didn't deserve it.
To beat the girlfriend analogy into the ground, there's only
one way Yanks fans and A-Rod can have a clean break: if he tanks in the
playoffs again. If the Yankees make the playoffs (let's be honest--it's April
and a 3-game sweep isn't going to hold up) A-Rod will feel something he won't
feel all year: pressure.
Because the playoffs don't have anything to do with next
year or contracts, even if you can pull a Beltran and get yourself overpaid
with one good series. The playoffs, at least in New York, are about one thing: making
history. And above all else, A-Rod wants to make history. Whether it's a
monster contract, breaking records, postseason wins, or memorable fuck jobs,
Alex--above all else--wants to be remembered as the best ever.
Unfortunately he doesn't have the mental toughness for it.
Or, if I can translate to baseball terms: I'll believe it when I see it.
To go back to an earlier point, I believe he will have the
greatest season ever. I've seen just about every Yankees game this year so far,
but it became obvious to me that he's not going to cool off as much as everyone
thinks because of a two-game span. The Sunday Night Game against Dice-K and the
Monday game the next day.
In case you didn't notice, Dice-K owned Alex. He gave every
team the blueprint for how to handle Alex: get in his head early (Dice-K
plunked him), and then bust him low and away with the breaking stuff. Despite a
later lucky single when he was busted back inside, A-Rod was awful. He couldn't
lay off the outside junk.
Last year, that would have sent A-Rod into a two-month slump
requiring 20 different therapists and a ton of acupuncture. Not this year. The
next night A-Rod hit not one, but two jacks into the seats. He's learned how to
put things behind him. One pitch was an inside mistake, but the other? A breaking ball over the outside corner. Maybe it wasn't as
low as it should have been, but Alex from last year doesn't hit that pitch.
He's frozen by it. This year? He's rounding the bases.
I don't think he'll cool off, but also--let's be realistic--he
won't be hitting 100 home runs. He could make a run at Barry's record if Giambi gives him the protection he's been providing so far
this season. I think you can put the MVP in the bag now.
Of course, I'll try to enjoy his historic season, and when I
see him claim that award at the end of the year, I'll try not to think about
the prison shower treatment that Alex will give to all of us Yankee fans this
off-season.
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